For A Laugh

My kids have provided us (and some of you) with many chuckles over the years. Due to popular demand, here is a list of just some of the things they have said and done...

Little Miss H started with the quotable quotes when she was 2, SuperMan J Jnr bloomed a bit later (about 4) but is still rolling them out at almost-6!

J: Does God love people with no hair?
me: Yes of course, he loves everyone the same.
J: Yes, but does he liiiiike bald people as much as the other people?

J: When I grow up I am either going to be a farm keeper or a tooth fairy.

J: Did you just hear that big bang on the roof - the BANG with the little bangs and then the rolling? Well that wasnt me, I didnt do that.

me: A is for apple, B is for ...
J: Jump!
me: No J, B is for box.
J: No Mum, in Super Mario, B is for jump.
I stand corrected.

J: I'm NOT jumping on the lounge, I'm jumping OFF the lounge

Josh was playing UNO with God but God kept losing because He didn't say UNO in time and had to keep picking up two extra cards.

J: Is it spring? Can you put us in a cave and we come out at Christmas time?
me: Yes, Yes I can.

me: Go to your room
J: Well I'm not going to my birthday then!

Sep 05
D. {Putting H's boots on}
H. Ow, a ‘pea’, a ‘pea’!!!!
D. {takes H's boot off – a plastic letter “P” falls out!}

H. Mum there is a spider in my room. It has…..(thinking…1….2….) 3 legs.
D. I thought spiders had 8 legs?
H. (thinking again……) oh like an optopus!

H {to Mike taking his vitamins} Are those tablets to make babies or stop babies coming?

D Hannah, mummy doesn’t feel like talking any more
H That’s ok mummy, Ill just talk to Jesus

The Getting Off Thing – Can Opener

The Killing Thing – Fly Spray

24 Sep 05
H. When is the storm coming?
D. When its ready.
H Is it having time out?
H. Does it have to stay in its room?
H. Did it disobey its mummy?

April 06

H I know everything
D Actually you don’t know everything. What is my middle name?
H {doesn’t know, learns J,B,D’s middle names}
H Now I DO know everything!

May 06
D Drying H hair with towel
H ow, Ow, OW …. Do you remember what ow means?

May 06
H When Jejus was on the cross, and Jejus is God, when he was on the cross and he was talking to God, who was he talking to – himself or another God?
D [tries to explain father,son,spirit concept of God]
H Oh mum, I’m just a kid, I don’t understand.

June 06
H When do people die?
D When they’re old, very old.
H …..isnt it cool Mrs Perry is still alive!

Aug 06
[all of us driving very early to the airport to go to Melbourne]
H [sees the sun rising]
H look! We went for a drive and we found the morning!!

Sep 06
H [birthday – opening presents]
H [gets bananas from nanna and grandpa (cost $12/kg re cyclone larry)]
H Wow! Are they real??

Nov 06
H [incessantly asking questions in the car]
D why do you ask so many questions?
H cause I don’t know everything yet!
D oh [I'm in for a long haul aren’t I!]

Nov 06
D sorry that sometimes I don’t speak nicely to you
H yes mum, sometimes you say naughty words like ‘go away’
D I'm sorry, I do love you very much you know
H sometimes you have a bad attitude
D yes, sometimes I do
H but you know, I still love you even when you say naughty words and have a bad
Attitude
D thanks H
H no worries mum

8 Dec 06
H [at a freinds house when Corinne broke a glass]
H you should have been more careful
C yes I should have
H God can fix that you know
C I don’t think he works like that H
H [to B (also 4yrs)]
H she just doesn’t understand
H come on B, lets pray.

14 Dec06

H I'm tired of being a kid mum. I wanna be an adult
D Why’s that H?
H You get to make your own sammiches and do cool stuff like that

March 07 (J's first quotable quote)
D {takes the plug out of the bath}
J goodbye water, thanks for having me!

April 07

H oww
D whats wrong?
H i have those sprinkles that go on your feet when you’ve been on the toilet a long time
D pins and needles?
H yeah!

And you may have already read these ones...

H: Who was Captain Cook?
D: He was the first man from across the seas to discover Australia in 1770.
H: Did he die?
D: Yes, that was a long time ago.
H: Yes I know, Peter Pan pushed him off the boat.
D: That was Captain Hook!

My 3 yr old son was commentating while we were driving on the way to 10 pin bowling the other day:

J: Thats not bowling
J: Thats not bowling
J: Thats Mr Hannicks
J: Thats not bowling
D: Who is Mr Hannick?
J: Where Daddy's car is!
D: The Mechanic?
J: Yeah, Mick Hannick.

Health & Beauty - 5. Resist!

This was the 5th of 10 articles published in ConXion magazine's Health and Beauty Section in 2010.

“for physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come” (1 Tim 4:8).

Well, we are almost half way through the year, and half way through our 10 tips for living healthier, both physically and spiritually.

How’s your health? Do you have more energy and enthusiasm than before? Are you finding it easy to live a healthier life? Have you had any rough patches? Have you quit already?
Tip number 5: RESIST! It is a short word but it takes a lot of practice ;)

If you are like me, you would have expected there to be hiccups and obstacles in the path to healthier living. I refrained from buying a new pair of runners because I wasn’t even sure I’d last out the week let alone a year! Some of you, however, would have been surprised about how easily you were tempted to stray from your path of right living.

Why is it that when we attempt to cut down on something that we find it immediately irresistible? There have been times in my life when I haven’t even lasted half a day on a diet! I think the reason is that we don’t find a good enough replacement.

If we don’t have some yummy salad ingredients in the fridge it will be even more tempting to snack on biscuits or have that leftover pizza. And if we don’t have a supply of Bible verses committed to memory it will be more tempting to continue in unhealthy thinking.

If worry is your midnight snack then memorise Philippians 4:6-7
If you have a secret stash of impure thoughts use Philippians 4:8
If you occasionally down a cup of cursing learn James 3:9-10
If you order a slice of gossip with friends remember Ephesians 4:29
If you find yourself with a mouthful of bitterness chew on Ephesians 4:31-32

Have a stroll through the grocery department and note down ingredients which will be good and filling substitutes for your previous diet and have a read through the Bible, especially the Letters, noting down helpful verses which will be good substitutes for your unhealthy thoughts.

As you develop a healthier body you will crave those sweet things less and as you draw closer to Jesus you will love Him more and spend more time in His word which will decrease your desire for those things which are harmful to your health.

It is then that you will “do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life”. Phil 2:14-16

Resist, and shine on!

Give It Up

I've been working hard lately on trying to teach my kids respect for others and showing love. If you ask my 5 or 7 year old my rules about respect they will tell you the 3 P's - Respect for Parents, Respect for other People, and Respect for Property. However getting them to live out these principles is a lot harder than remembering them!

I want to instill in them things like giving up their seats for older people, opening doors for others, speaking kindly, making eye contact, responding to greetings, not reacting in anger, and giving up the right to have the biggest piece, the first place, the best prize.

I was reading through Ephesians and these verses helped to draw all that together and bring it home.

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."
(Ephesians 4:29-5:2)

Instead of words that build others up, I had been exhibiting a bit too much of the unwholesome variety. Not looking to others needs but my own. Not characterised by kindness and compassion. Not imitating God but imitating others. Not giving myself up, but living for myself. I don't think most people would have noticed, it was a slow change. I was busy, tired and getting a little run down. But instead of reaching for the Spring of Living Water, I went into drought conservation mode.

But looking to yourself only makes things worse. It harbours bitterness, promotes anger, encourages brawling, and lets slip slander. Soon you don't even notice the needs of others because you are so caught up in yourself and expending all your energy trying to make yourself feel good again. It's a lost cause. No amount of water conservation is going to bring life to our land, we need God to send rain. And no amount of effort on our part will quench the thirst within that only God can fill.

We don't have to 'hope' and 'wait' for God to refresh us and fill us with his life giving water, all we have to do is contained, almost hidden, in those verses and is like turning on a tap to our parched souls. Look at the 'just as' phrases: '..just as Christ forgave you.' '..just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us..'.

When we recognise what God did for us in Jesus - dying for us so that our sin is paid for and we can be reconciled to God, and when we dwell on that love and that sacrifice and allow the truth of that to truly sink in, we are transformed from the inside.

Because God has forgiven me, I forgive others. Because God loves me, I look to the needs of others. Because Jesus gave himself up for me, I will give up my 'rights' for others.

And when THAT is my focus, I have more joy, more peace and more passion than ever before.

It doesn't make sense that giving up our right to ourselves will set us free, but it does. It doesn't make sense that giving up our striving will give us peace, but it does. And it doesn't make sense that giving up our heart will give us life, but it is the greatest change you will ever experience.

You just have to give it up.