For A Laugh

My kids have provided us (and some of you) with many chuckles over the years. Due to popular demand, here is a list of just some of the things they have said and done...

Little Miss H started with the quotable quotes when she was 2, SuperMan J Jnr bloomed a bit later (about 4) but is still rolling them out at almost-6!

J: Does God love people with no hair?
me: Yes of course, he loves everyone the same.
J: Yes, but does he liiiiike bald people as much as the other people?

J: When I grow up I am either going to be a farm keeper or a tooth fairy.

J: Did you just hear that big bang on the roof - the BANG with the little bangs and then the rolling? Well that wasnt me, I didnt do that.

me: A is for apple, B is for ...
J: Jump!
me: No J, B is for box.
J: No Mum, in Super Mario, B is for jump.
I stand corrected.

J: I'm NOT jumping on the lounge, I'm jumping OFF the lounge

Josh was playing UNO with God but God kept losing because He didn't say UNO in time and had to keep picking up two extra cards.

J: Is it spring? Can you put us in a cave and we come out at Christmas time?
me: Yes, Yes I can.

me: Go to your room
J: Well I'm not going to my birthday then!

Sep 05
D. {Putting H's boots on}
H. Ow, a ‘pea’, a ‘pea’!!!!
D. {takes H's boot off – a plastic letter “P” falls out!}

H. Mum there is a spider in my room. It has…..(thinking…1….2….) 3 legs.
D. I thought spiders had 8 legs?
H. (thinking again……) oh like an optopus!

H {to Mike taking his vitamins} Are those tablets to make babies or stop babies coming?

D Hannah, mummy doesn’t feel like talking any more
H That’s ok mummy, Ill just talk to Jesus

The Getting Off Thing – Can Opener

The Killing Thing – Fly Spray

24 Sep 05
H. When is the storm coming?
D. When its ready.
H Is it having time out?
H. Does it have to stay in its room?
H. Did it disobey its mummy?

April 06

H I know everything
D Actually you don’t know everything. What is my middle name?
H {doesn’t know, learns J,B,D’s middle names}
H Now I DO know everything!

May 06
D Drying H hair with towel
H ow, Ow, OW …. Do you remember what ow means?

May 06
H When Jejus was on the cross, and Jejus is God, when he was on the cross and he was talking to God, who was he talking to – himself or another God?
D [tries to explain father,son,spirit concept of God]
H Oh mum, I’m just a kid, I don’t understand.

June 06
H When do people die?
D When they’re old, very old.
H …..isnt it cool Mrs Perry is still alive!

Aug 06
[all of us driving very early to the airport to go to Melbourne]
H [sees the sun rising]
H look! We went for a drive and we found the morning!!

Sep 06
H [birthday – opening presents]
H [gets bananas from nanna and grandpa (cost $12/kg re cyclone larry)]
H Wow! Are they real??

Nov 06
H [incessantly asking questions in the car]
D why do you ask so many questions?
H cause I don’t know everything yet!
D oh [I'm in for a long haul aren’t I!]

Nov 06
D sorry that sometimes I don’t speak nicely to you
H yes mum, sometimes you say naughty words like ‘go away’
D I'm sorry, I do love you very much you know
H sometimes you have a bad attitude
D yes, sometimes I do
H but you know, I still love you even when you say naughty words and have a bad
Attitude
D thanks H
H no worries mum

8 Dec 06
H [at a freinds house when Corinne broke a glass]
H you should have been more careful
C yes I should have
H God can fix that you know
C I don’t think he works like that H
H [to B (also 4yrs)]
H she just doesn’t understand
H come on B, lets pray.

14 Dec06

H I'm tired of being a kid mum. I wanna be an adult
D Why’s that H?
H You get to make your own sammiches and do cool stuff like that

March 07 (J's first quotable quote)
D {takes the plug out of the bath}
J goodbye water, thanks for having me!

April 07

H oww
D whats wrong?
H i have those sprinkles that go on your feet when you’ve been on the toilet a long time
D pins and needles?
H yeah!

And you may have already read these ones...

H: Who was Captain Cook?
D: He was the first man from across the seas to discover Australia in 1770.
H: Did he die?
D: Yes, that was a long time ago.
H: Yes I know, Peter Pan pushed him off the boat.
D: That was Captain Hook!

My 3 yr old son was commentating while we were driving on the way to 10 pin bowling the other day:

J: Thats not bowling
J: Thats not bowling
J: Thats Mr Hannicks
J: Thats not bowling
D: Who is Mr Hannick?
J: Where Daddy's car is!
D: The Mechanic?
J: Yeah, Mick Hannick.

Health & Beauty - 5. Resist!

This was the 5th of 10 articles published in ConXion magazine's Health and Beauty Section in 2010.

“for physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come” (1 Tim 4:8).

Well, we are almost half way through the year, and half way through our 10 tips for living healthier, both physically and spiritually.

How’s your health? Do you have more energy and enthusiasm than before? Are you finding it easy to live a healthier life? Have you had any rough patches? Have you quit already?
Tip number 5: RESIST! It is a short word but it takes a lot of practice ;)

If you are like me, you would have expected there to be hiccups and obstacles in the path to healthier living. I refrained from buying a new pair of runners because I wasn’t even sure I’d last out the week let alone a year! Some of you, however, would have been surprised about how easily you were tempted to stray from your path of right living.

Why is it that when we attempt to cut down on something that we find it immediately irresistible? There have been times in my life when I haven’t even lasted half a day on a diet! I think the reason is that we don’t find a good enough replacement.

If we don’t have some yummy salad ingredients in the fridge it will be even more tempting to snack on biscuits or have that leftover pizza. And if we don’t have a supply of Bible verses committed to memory it will be more tempting to continue in unhealthy thinking.

If worry is your midnight snack then memorise Philippians 4:6-7
If you have a secret stash of impure thoughts use Philippians 4:8
If you occasionally down a cup of cursing learn James 3:9-10
If you order a slice of gossip with friends remember Ephesians 4:29
If you find yourself with a mouthful of bitterness chew on Ephesians 4:31-32

Have a stroll through the grocery department and note down ingredients which will be good and filling substitutes for your previous diet and have a read through the Bible, especially the Letters, noting down helpful verses which will be good substitutes for your unhealthy thoughts.

As you develop a healthier body you will crave those sweet things less and as you draw closer to Jesus you will love Him more and spend more time in His word which will decrease your desire for those things which are harmful to your health.

It is then that you will “do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life”. Phil 2:14-16

Resist, and shine on!

Give It Up

I've been working hard lately on trying to teach my kids respect for others and showing love. If you ask my 5 or 7 year old my rules about respect they will tell you the 3 P's - Respect for Parents, Respect for other People, and Respect for Property. However getting them to live out these principles is a lot harder than remembering them!

I want to instill in them things like giving up their seats for older people, opening doors for others, speaking kindly, making eye contact, responding to greetings, not reacting in anger, and giving up the right to have the biggest piece, the first place, the best prize.

I was reading through Ephesians and these verses helped to draw all that together and bring it home.

"Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you. Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God."
(Ephesians 4:29-5:2)

Instead of words that build others up, I had been exhibiting a bit too much of the unwholesome variety. Not looking to others needs but my own. Not characterised by kindness and compassion. Not imitating God but imitating others. Not giving myself up, but living for myself. I don't think most people would have noticed, it was a slow change. I was busy, tired and getting a little run down. But instead of reaching for the Spring of Living Water, I went into drought conservation mode.

But looking to yourself only makes things worse. It harbours bitterness, promotes anger, encourages brawling, and lets slip slander. Soon you don't even notice the needs of others because you are so caught up in yourself and expending all your energy trying to make yourself feel good again. It's a lost cause. No amount of water conservation is going to bring life to our land, we need God to send rain. And no amount of effort on our part will quench the thirst within that only God can fill.

We don't have to 'hope' and 'wait' for God to refresh us and fill us with his life giving water, all we have to do is contained, almost hidden, in those verses and is like turning on a tap to our parched souls. Look at the 'just as' phrases: '..just as Christ forgave you.' '..just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us..'.

When we recognise what God did for us in Jesus - dying for us so that our sin is paid for and we can be reconciled to God, and when we dwell on that love and that sacrifice and allow the truth of that to truly sink in, we are transformed from the inside.

Because God has forgiven me, I forgive others. Because God loves me, I look to the needs of others. Because Jesus gave himself up for me, I will give up my 'rights' for others.

And when THAT is my focus, I have more joy, more peace and more passion than ever before.

It doesn't make sense that giving up our right to ourselves will set us free, but it does. It doesn't make sense that giving up our striving will give us peace, but it does. And it doesn't make sense that giving up our heart will give us life, but it is the greatest change you will ever experience.

You just have to give it up.

Health & Beauty - 4. Metabolise!

This was the 4th of 10 articles published in ConXion magazine's Health and Beauty Section in 2010.

“for physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come” (1 Tim 4:8).

In the past 3 months of ConXion I have encouraged you to live healthier both in your physical and spiritual life. The first three articles were about getting organised - get a diary, weigh in and stock up. The next few will be about getting honest. If you are brave enough, read on.
This months topic is Number 4 – Metabolise.

Metabolism is basically how you process what goes in to your body. A ‘fast metabolism’ is very good at using and reallocating the good things in the food that you eat. A ‘slow metabolism’ is less efficient and often a lot of possibly good stuff goes to waste because it is not used.

I tried the ‘slow metabolism’ excuse for my extra weight until I read a little and realised a little something. Metabolism is directly related to how much muscle and fat you currently have. This was bad news as I had lost one more excuse, but good news, as I could do something about it.

In order to teach my body to use the nutrients and energy in food in the best way, I have to daily remind it of our goal. Aerobic and resistance exercises help to reduce fat and increase muscle which in turn increases metabolism.

In the same way, in order to make the best use of the material and circumstances I come in contact with each day, I have to train my mind so that it keeps more of the good stuff and less of the bad. I need Aerobic exercises – time with my Heavenly Father and in His word and Resistance exercises – time with others both in fellowship and service.

I’ve realized that skinny people don’t just have good metabolism, most of them actually do exercise and generally eat well. And ‘good’ people don’t just have a good conscience, most of them spend time reading the Bible and seek to honour God in what they do.

Now that you have all that you need (structure, accountability and resources from our first 3 topics), its time to give up the excuses and take some action to improve your health both physically and spiritually.

Train your body and you will get more out of life. And how much you get out of the Bible and get out of church has more to do with how you have trained your mind than how it makes you feel. It wont happen overnight, but if you keep it up, you will notice the change, and so will those looking on!

Health & Beauty - 3. Get Ready

This article was the 3rd of 10 appearing in ConXion Magazine's Health and Beauty Section in 2010.

OK ladies (or gentlemen ;), you have your diary to get organised, you are committed to weighing in regularly to keep accountable, the third thing to do is get ready!

1. Get a Diary
2. Weigh In
3. Get Ready

In order to improve the health of your body or your life, you need to make sure you have the supplies that you need, otherwise there is no chance you'll make it past the first hurdle.

For exercise, I required shoes and clothing for walking, sync'd my ipod, got rid of my favourite biscuits, chocolates and sweets (that was fun ;) and stocked up on healthy alternatives and water bottles.

For my spiritual toning up I dusted off my Bible, put away my magazines and got out a good devotional book and occasionally an uplifting novel.

What you choose to put in will have a direct effect on your progress both physically and spiritually.

To tell you the truth, I was going to buy a new pair of shoes to start my daily walking, but I couldn't guarantee this whole exercise and eating healthy thing would last more than a few days so I didn't! Most of the time, our good intentions are thwarted by opportunity. The snacks in the cupboard, the ice-cream in the freezer, the morning tea at church. The trashy novel that we haven't finished, our favourite TV shows, magazines, music or the internet.

We can be reassured though, that we are not alone. Throughout history God has always provided his people with instructions on how to live life to the full. The Bible is our manual for living and is full of troubleshooting tips for problems of life such as this.

"Whatever is whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things." Phil 4:8. If you want to eat right, it is good to have a list of foods acceptable and available for you to substitute what you used to eat. And if you want to live right, the same is true. Think about these things, or, as my mum says, "what goes in, must come out!" She neglected to tell me that the 'out' would happen on my hips!

So as you embark on or get real about your journey to spiritual and physical fitness, make sure you have all that you need and remove the obstacles you are able to. But thats not ALL you need… its not all about your effort and preparation, God wants to help to overcome those struggles, limitations and hinderances, if only you would submit your life to Him. "For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose" Phil 2:13.

Off you go, Ill be praying for you :)

Health & Beauty - 2. Weigh In

This is the second article published in ConXion Magazine's 2010 Health and Beauty Section.

So, do you have your diary? Last month you read about the need to get organised to begin to be healthy in both body and soul. The first necessity on the list was to get a diary so you can set aside time, both to exercise and to spend time with God.

The second thing I challenge you to do is to weigh in.

1. Get a Diary
2. Weigh In

I was given a Wii Fit for mothers day and so every day, even when I know I have done the wrong thing (eaten badly or missed exercise), I weigh in and it keeps track of my progress. It gives me good tips on exercise and healthy eating. If I haven’t weighed in for some time, it comments on my tardiness and encourages me to get back into it. If my weight has gone up more than a certain amount, I have to explain! And what’s worse, that explanation is recorded! But if I have been exercising and eating right, the result is encouraging and it’s nice having ‘someone’ to share it with.

Now that’s stretching the analogy a bit far, my little talking wii balance board is hardly a friend (and doesn’t scold me for turning him off just before the explanation part so I don’t have to ‘fess up!)

You need to be accountable to aid in being disciplined, so that you can recognize the consequences of making wrong choices, and so you can be encouraged in the good that is being done. And, even though it might require time and transparency, you need some other ladies to do that with.

Just like a good Bible Study group, the accountability and encouragement keeps me coming back. There is great teaching on good Biblical truths, accountability as to how I am really travelling with God and with others, and encouragement to make the right choices throughout the coming week. Knowing a friend will ask me if I’ve been spending time with God is an excellent motivation for those times when it would be easy to drift out of the habit.

You need to weigh in regularly, and adjust your behaviour and habits if you want to be healthy. Join a group; they will give you training, companionship, accountability and encouragement. Join a church or ladies Bible study; we’re here for the same thing!

“Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.” Heb 10:25

p.s. I wanted to get into shape for a special occasion, and worked harder as the day approached. How much more should we be getting into shape for the imminent return of our Lord!

Health & Beauty - 1. Get A Diary

This is the first of 10 articles that appeared in ConXion magazine's Health and Beauty Section in 2010.

You see the ads everywhere you turn: in the shopping centres, on television, on the internet. Everyone is looking for a quick way to get thin. Lots of people are looking for convenient ways to get fit. Some people want to look like their favourite celebrities. But what Jenny or Tony don’t advertise, is that there is no quick or easy way to lose those unwanted kilos or build up those flabby muscles. It takes hard work and determination.

But wait, don’t skip over to another page just yet! Each month in Conxion we will share with you a simple yet effective tip to get you started and help you stay on track for a healthy life. And for those of you worried this will turn into a ‘Christian Womens Weekly’ or a ‘New Christian Idea’: fear not! – “for physical training is of some value, but godliness has value for all things, holding promise for both the present life and the life to come” (1 Tim 4:8). And so, realising the great importance of shaping up spiritually, and the parallels between physical and spiritual discipline, allow me to share with you the overview for this Column.

1. Get Organised
2. Get Honest
3. Get Out

And our first of ten points we will cover this year is… Get A Diary.

Not very profound, but it may be just what you need to start. There is no way you can be disciplined in the physical or spiritual aspects of life if the rest of your life is disorganized. I have tried desperately to disprove this theory by struggling to accomplish everything while being disorganised but it only leads to stress and failure.

You need to set time aside for important things, and be able to look back and evaluate how you spent your time. It is vitally important you set aside time to exercise, and even record your diet or your weight, but it is essential for the health of our soul that we spend time with our Heavenly Father each day. It’s a great resource to look back over what He has taught you, how He has helped and grown you, and what verses His Spirit has highlighted to encourage or challenge you.

I feel much saner with my diary because I am able to write down the tasks or concerns occupying my mind, and I feel the same way when I start the day in prayer to God. I can share all that is bothering me, concerning me, or just busying my mind, and when I allow Him to put them on His ‘to-do’ list I am able to go out into my day tackling one task at a time.

It’s the perfect time to get a diary – it’s the start of a year, it’s a great time for new-years resolutions, and the diaries are on special! What are you waiting for?